After years of studying personality through the analysis of handwriting I have concluded it is one trait that does you no good to own.
During post-analysis interviews I have asked scores of clients who scored a high intensity of that trait what effect it has had in their lives. I felt they were honest. What did they have to lose? Every single one said it had alienated people from them.
Case in point: I contacted an author by e-mail to ask a question about something she said in her nonfiction book. We started corresponding as she was intrigued to hear about what handwriting shows. As a result I did quite a bit of work for her. She sent 5 samples of handwriting with authorization from each person and I did their writing. A couple of the names were changed because she had mentioned the people in her book and she did not want me to be able to match them to their stories. 'They were associated with her business office.'
At her request I did hers first. She is a very dynamic woman, strong-willed, mentally alert and very articulate. Overall, a strong personality with firm likes and dislikes and no sitting on the fence. But one fear showed up so dominantly it was surprising. She scored an 8 in intensity (A scale from 0 meaning no evidence to 10 meaning off the charts) for sensitiveness to criticism, which means she was ever on the alert in anticipation about getting it. That just did not fit with the rest of her profile. But then again, counter traits are not unusual to see in a handwriting. I planned to ask her more about it after I finished the analysis.
I did all the other samples, including one of the only male. He was a sharp-minded, practical person with many talents, especially in buying failing businesses and bringing them back to life. Among his defenses appeared the tendency to be sharply sarcastic. (His rated a 9 and that is strong.)
The client and I later talked on the phone to discuss her analysis. By then she had all the reports, which everyone had agreed to after reading each of theirs. Hers was 5 pages long and I could hear her checking the pages for things she wanted to talk about. I finally had opportunity to ask my big question about her extreme anticipatory touchiness. She responded but somewhat evasively. So I let it go. We went on to the other reports and discussed them. She was especially interested in the man's. He had not signed his real name. I asked her if he agreed with the report, especially the observations about sarcasm. "Eventually, he did but not at first; he had to think about it for a while," was all she said.
A few weeks later, she called. And this time she was ready to tell me more. (You are probably ahead of me on this if you guessed that the man is her husband.) She was calling for a specific reason; to tell me that at first he was quite upset about the rhetorical questions I asked him in the report, "Has anyone ever told you that you don't fight fair?" "Have you ever felt that people avoid you or they say only what they think you want to hear?"
She said, "Last Sunday afternoon, we read our reports out loud and for the first time we discussed this ongoing problem in our 25 year marriage—how his biting tongue can cut me in two. I love this man but he has a mean streak when he is frustrated. I am the dog he kicks. But I told him how much it has hurt me and that I will not take it any more."
He then told her that most of his problems in business had to do with his sarcastic communication style. His employee turnover rate was horrendous in the several businesses he had bought and sold.
Did he change from that point on? I have no idea.
Think of any sarcastic people who may be in your life. Have you noticed how they barb you and run. They don't talk calmly about issues; they use a sharp tongue to criticize (as a demand for change to get things done their way) and then they move along very quickly, with no intention of settling things. They are like porcupines that put others off. And they always think they are right.
And how do many of them react when someone challenges them about the tactic? They come back with, "Aw, you know I didn't mean it. Just kidding."
No, they weren't kidding. The real message came at you like a flying missile. If you are resigned to put up with such treatment, don't forget to duck. They will keep on coming and they are intended to hurt you.
Sarcasm shows up primarily (it can be evaluated from combinations of several traits) in sharply pointed t bars that look like spears. They connect to the t stem.
Remember this principle because it always hold true: when you see a stroke that should be the same weight at the end as when it started out, but instead, feathers out, you are seeing a position of weakness.
Stands to reason logically that you are seeing a fizzling intent. That is what sarcasm amounts to: it stems from weakness and shows frustration, not control.
If you own sarcasm as a trait, realize now that it is hurting not helping you. It will not win people over to love you more. If they do what you want anyway you may be sure it is for some other reason than warm feelings for you.
Thank you for your insightful column about the effects of sarcasm. Your article appeared as a result of my internet search for discussions on the negative results of sarcasm. I use sarcasm and have found it to be hurtful in a particular relationship with someone who has pointed out to me how it is problematic. Thank you for helping me to understand more about this aspect of unuseful communication.
Posted by: Andew | December 07, 2008 at 07:05 PM